


pitch black, pale blue

by chocotea



Series: love is blind [2]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: 96 Line are Best Friends, A Whole Mess, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blind Character, Everyone Loves Soonyoung, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, M/M, Nobody Likes Feelings, Smut, Ugly Feelings, Ugly Fighting, Unhealthy Stuff, Unrequited Love, communication is key, others are vaguely mentioned - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-28
Updated: 2017-09-28
Packaged: 2019-01-06 14:11:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12212886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocotea/pseuds/chocotea
Summary: It's easier, they think, to crush your feelings than to crush on someone you can never have.





	pitch black, pale blue

**Author's Note:**

> [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/chocoteayu/playlist/6wR2w7CR7JE3z4A61H4GhM)

Junhui hates being sick - scratch that, he loathes being sick. Being sick gets nothing done and gets you late with everything. You just lay in bed and wait for time to pass as your body fights the bad virus and makes you extra-weak because bodies are fun like that. Well, fuck you, virus or bacteria or whatever the hell made his body fight in the first place.  
He feels it coming, and maybe that's the worst, because for two days, he still has hope that it's a just a simple cold and not fucking Armageddon coming down on him. But, of course, the third day, when he wakes up sweating buckets, hot and cold all over, with a huge headache, cramps and intense dizziness, he realises it is, Armageddon. However, holy battle or not, he can't possibly miss classes, not when he just started graduate school and he's still getting accustomed to the new teachers. So, he fights the dizziness and gets up. Walks into a wall, then his door, but no matter, he makes it to the bathroom in one piece, manages to take a shower, although he does it while sitting miserably, and then goes back to his room to get dressed. So far, so good, he only managed to get a few bruises and almost fainted when he got out of the shower, but that's fine, that's ok, he is still breathing and moving. He trips over his jean and falls face first into his bed. He considers, for a few long seconds, just staying there and going back to sleep, but the thought of everything he's going to miss in class pushes him to stand up and finish getting dressed. 

Soonyoung is in their mini-kitchen when he makes it, pouring himself a load of cereals. Junhui frowns at his life choices, usually, but today he will take whatever the hell he can. 

"Hey," the boy greets him with a smile, and Junhui is glad he can't see his face right now, sweaty and pale. 

"Hey, Soon. Can I have some of your cereals?"

His roommate stops mid-crunch, his blind stare easily finding him as he frowns. "Junhui, did you take your fever?"

Oh god. He's fucked. If even his blind friend can feel he is sick from just a few words, it probably means he really shouldn't get out of the house. Of course, that doesn't beat his scholar spirit. 

"I'm fine," he says as he drops heavily in the other chair, grabbing Soonyoung's cereals to take a handful of them. The boy immediately grabs them back, holding the box against his chest like a jealous child. 

"No, you're not. You sound like hell, and," he reaches suddenly for his hand, frown deepening, "and you're literally as hot as hell. Go take your fever, now," he commands, firm, a sudden change from his usual easy going self. Junhui is used to it, though, by now, but still, he sighs and gets up, about to do just that. 

"And don't lie to me. I'll know it and I'll call Jihoon to check," he adds, and Junhui just knows he isn't joking around. 

And that's how he ends up in bed for the day, with a wonderful fever of 39,6° and the stern command to sleep. Obviously, Junhui's first thought is "how the hell is Soonyoung even going to get to class" before he thinks about sleeping, but somehow, he still ends up falling asleep just fine. When he opens his eyes next, everything feels like hell around him, and someone is cursing. It doesn't take a genius to know it's Jihoon; the boy is small but has the mouth of a sailor. 

"Fucking hell, fuck that shit," he is groaning, and Junhui feels something cold on his forehead as he opens his eyes. Everything is blurry at first, but when he succeeds in focusing his attention, he is met by Jihoon's back, hunched over, and probably furiously texting away. 

"Hi, Jihoon," he croaks out, grimacing at the sound of his voice as he sniffs. The boy turns toward him immediately, deep frown settled on his baby face, blonde hair pushed back from his forehead. 

"Oh, you're awake. Good, you need to take some medicine," he says immediately, his frown slowly washing away as he takes a glass of water from the nightstand, along with a few pills. "Can you sit up?"

Junhui nods, pushing himself up and finding himself incredibly weak. It takes a few trials until he can sit up, laying back heavily on his pillows, head pumping like crazy. He takes the pill Jihoon gives him, and definitely doesn't refuse the helping hand when it comes to holding the glass because he feels he would just drop it. Then, there are fingers pushing back his hair from his forehead, the gesture almost tender. 

"You're drenched," Jihoon remarks, dropping his hand back on his knees, frown back on his face. "You think you could take a shower?"

He does, but apparently, it ends up that he can't even stand up straight. Jihoon and his small, skinny self, does his best to support him, and when they reach the shower, they're both sweating more than should be possible for average human beings. Jihoon leaves the room the second he begins to strip, although not before telling him to call if he needs help.  
Admittedly, Junhui almost falls asleep in the shower, but otherwise he thinks he does a pretty good job. He even stands up by himself, wrapping the towel around his waist. He feels better, refreshed, almost ready to take on the whole world, that is until he sways and hits his head on the wall. Obviously, Jihoon comes bursting in and dares to snicker at his poor fate before he helps him back to his room. He throws him a shirt and underwear, disappearing again only to reappear again once he's dressed with a new wet towel that he determinedly slaps onto Junhui's forehead the second he's laying back in bed. 

Satisfied with his handy work, he pulls out his phone again. 

"Soonyoung should be home soon," he says, typing in a message, "and he's going to tell you exactly this: you need to see a doctor."

Of course. He has been expecting that, and he knows Jihoon knows his exact answer. 

"I don't need to, it's fine."

The boy rolls his eyes at him. "Obviously, because you totally walk into walls on a daily basis. Do you know how long you spent in the shower?"

Junhui blinks. "Uh, maybe 10 minutes?"

Jihoon shakes his head. "You spent 30 minutes in there. I checked on you and you were just staring at the wall."

Oh. Well. He sighs, refusing to meet Jihoon's eyes. Junhui had good reasons to dislike doctors, they were all disgusting garbage and he would rather die than have one touch him again. Jihoon lets out a frustrated sigh of his own.

"Junhui, you can't stay like that, you need proper medicine," he tries to reason, but Junhui only answers with more silence.

"Wen Junhui, I swear to god I will drag you there if I have to," he continues, voice edging into dangerous territories. 

"I'll bite you," he answers with a heavy frown. It's not like Jihoon could actually drag him anyway. 

"Wen Junhui," Jihoon warns, and that's all he gets to do because they hear the front door close and Soonyoung's voice. The smaller man bolts up out of the room, leaving behind a sighing Junhui. 

These are going to be a long few days.

←→

To say Junhui is furious is an understatement. He knows, from his friends' guilty looks, that they know they did something wrong, and he hopes damn well that the guilt is eating them as he glares at them. He'll glare at Wonwoo, too, when he sees him next, because he knows the boy is obviously part of the plan, he is just smart enough not to be around for his timely death.

Honestly, he doesn't know if he's more mad about the fact that they got him an "almost doctor" or because they got him a very hot almost doctor just the day he looks like bird's shit. And don't even get him started on Kim Mingyu standing in the corner of his room, looking like the gorgeous motherfucker he is. This is a mess and he's going to tear his friend's heads off their bodies. 

"You look great, don't worry," reassures Jeonghan with a soft smile. He is really beautiful, soft brown hair framing his pretty face in the nicest way, expression soft. He looks like an angel, somewhat, although he doesn't really seem like one; the pretty ones are always fishy. "Now, can I do my check up?" 

By principle, Junhui would very kindly tell him that, no, he can't do it, but thank you for coming and comforting me with your beautiful self, however he knows his friends won't give it a rest until he gets a check up. Besides, he really does feel like shit and he's tired of sleeping all day, missing out on classes and being a shit.

"Yeah, knock yourself out," he sighs, before kicking his legs toward his friend. "Jihoon, get off, you're making me warm," he scolds, and the small man obeys, not without sending him a suspicious glance. 

It's not so bad, honestly, mostly because Jeonghan is a kind person and there are people in the room, so he obeys and lets him do his job, admiring the way his lashes fan so perfectly over sharp cheekbones. It's a nice sight, at least, he can give him that. He speaks softly, almost cooing at him with each demand, and when he is done, he smiles brightly, eyes shining in the most mesmerising way. He'd understand if some patients would fake being sick just to be taken care of by him. 

"Okay, I'm done. Wasn't so bad, was it?" he asks, voice cheery and Junhui feels oddly like a reticent child being comforted.

"It's only alright because you're good looking," he states, face blank. He can't hold it for long, though, because Jeonghan starts laughing, an amusing laugh made out of "ah"s and Junhui can't help but smile at him.

"Thank you, handsome," Jeonghan replies, smile wide and cheeks a slight taint of pink from laughing rather than from the compliment. Of course, the boy knows he's handsome, he would be foolish not to know. Jihoon's retching noise manages to make him look away, only to glare at him for a second. The dick isn't getting away with anything today. 

"So, what do you think, doctor? Will I make it?" he asks the student playfully, grateful for the medicine he ingested a hour ago. 

"Most likely the flu. I can't give you anything personally, so if you're unwilling to see anyone else, you'll probably stay in bed sick for more than a week, at the very least," he answers, all jokes pushed aside, which Junhui think is definitely hot. Shame they had to meet like that, he thinks. 

Jihoon is quick to throw himself on his legs again. "See, I told you. You need to see a doctor."

Junhui huffs, glaring at him. He hates this "told you so" face on Jihoon, because it happens way too often. Scratch that, he hates Jihoon and his stupid baby face. Stupid.

"He is right, though. I know someone nice, if you want. Everything will be done in 5 minutes and you'll be on your feet much quicker," Jeonghan arguments, drawing Junhui's eyes back on him. He really can't fight this one, though, he thinks as Jeonghan smiles gently.  
Soonyoung, of course, has to tip the balance with a gentle "You said you can't miss too many classes." 

And god, he really can't. He sighs heavily, giving up. He'll have Wonwoo come with him, anyway. The boy owes him. "Fine, fine, I'll go see that guy, god. You guys are so annoying."

Just to see Jeonghan beam, he'll probably say yes to going to the hospital. "Good, now we'll let you sleep. I hope the next time we see each other, you'll be perfectly healthy," he says, and he fucking winks at him, leaving him a little stunned, but unbelievably satisfied. Still got it, sick or not. 

"Can't wait," he replies with a grin. 

Jihoon glares at him, glares at them both, so Junhui kicks him, earning an indignant yelp from the smaller boy as Jeonghan gathers his stuff and stands up. Jihoon looks like he's about to say something, but everyone is already out of the door and Junhui yawns, exhaustion from having been around so many people at once taking over. 

Jihoon gives him a small smile. "Rest well." 

Despite his initial resentment, he smiles back at him, because he is no monster and Jihoon is a little shit, maybe, but a cute little shit that he likes a lot. 

He falls asleep easily to the sound of voices. 

The next day, he guilt trips Wonwoo into skipping a class to accompany him to the doctor. The man turns out to be nice, but Wonwoo doesn't let go of his hand for long all the same, which Junhui is grateful for. 

Wonwoo is also a little shit, but he's a kind little shit that he likes a lot, as well. 

And Soonyoung… Soonyoung is just a plain angel, bless his overly worried soul.

←→

Wen Junhui is a fucking idiot, and Jihoon knows it, yet still gets surprised all the time. It hasn't been a week yet, and the boy is already back in class, when Wonwoo had clearly told them that there was a one week rest period before he'd be completely ok, but no, Junhui had to get back to class the second his fever shows sign of weakness.

Obviously it can't end well. They meet for lunch, as they usually do, and boy, the guy looks absolutely wrecked. Wonwoo groans the second he sees him walk in, and Jihoon can only agree. Maybe it's a good thing Soonyoung isn't here, the poor boy shouldn't have to parent Junhui every day. 

"Hey, guys," the law student says as he joins them in the queue to get their lunch, and Jihoon rolls his eyes at his weak attempt at a smile. 

"You're going back home," is what he answers back, stern. Wonwoo nods by his side. 

Junhui pouts, his chapped, pale lips only convincing Jihoon a little more that he needs to rest. "I'm fine, my fever is really low today."

Wonwoo almost growls. "You still have a fever? What the hell, Junhui."

Jihoon, once again, agrees with him, frowning heavily at their idiotic best friend. Junhui doesn't look fine, not one bit; He looks like he's about to pass out any second, swaying from left to right by moments, skin pale, shiny from a thin layer of sweat. Even the way he stands, all hunched over, hands grabbing at the ends of his big sweater, reflects his state. Jihoon wonders how they are the first persons to tell him to go home, especially since everyone seems to know Junhui. Infuriating.

"It's really low," he repeats quietly, biting down at his bottom lip, eyes openly avoiding them. Jihoon wants to tug him into bed. Violently. Maybe tie him up so he can't drag his sick ass to class. In a totally innocent and friendly way. 

"It doesn't look like it at all Junhui. It probably rose up again because you're a fucking idiot," Jihoon curses out, worry heavy in his tone. The boy pouts again, and Jihoon almost feels bad for cursing at him. Almost. He sighs. "We're walking you home. And that's final," he adds when Junhui opens his mouth, probably to complain some more. He doesn't have to ask Wonwoo to know he strongly agrees with the decision, having already grabbed the law student's elbow. 

They leave the queue, Junhui showing himself to be extremely obedient all of a sudden, quietly following them through the busy cafeteria. The more Jihoon looks at him, the more guilty and infuriated he feels, incapable of finding a way to balance both feelings. He has seen Junhui sick before, and he each time, it's the exact same issue. He knows how important his studies are for him, he just wishes he'd realise his health is more important than missing a few classes. Besides, he knows a classmate of his is giving him everything he's missing day by day, so really, it doesn't make sense, unless you know how much the boy hates depending on other people. He thinks there must be some kind of story behind it all, but Junhui is the most secretive person he knows, and that too, is infuriating. They've known each other for more than three years now and he feels like he knows nothing about him, at all. Even Wonwoo sounds like an oversharer next to him, and that's saying, because the boy is mute like a carp if it's not for shitty dad jokes and teasing. 

They're mostly quiet on the way, since usually it's either Junhui or Soonyoung who do the talking. It's probably better this way, though, Jihoon doesn't really feel like talking. Wonwoo had let go of Junhui's arm once they left the cafeteria, so he has nothing to glare at aside from a few stray students. Then, surprisingly, Wonwoo starts talking. "You guys know that Soonyoung is hanging with Kim Mingyu, right?"

Of course, the gossiping mother inside Wonwoo has to resurface. He snickers. "Yeah, it's hard to miss, they're always texting."

Junhui seems to cheer up immediately thanks to the new subject, a smile spreading on his tired features. "It's so cute, Soonyoung is so happy when he comes home," he says, sounding a little dreamy. For someone with so little interest in his own love life, Junhui sure is passionate about other people's. Typical. 

"He gets all red when I bring up the subject," Wonwoo adds, smirking his shit-eating grin. Of course he'd love that, an opportunity to tease someone. 

"Mh, well, Mingyu doesn't sound like a bad guy, so I guess it's fine," he sighs. He tries not to worry about Soonyoung too much, but at this point he knows he's already too far gone liking the kid. Not that it's surprising, he doesn't think anybody in their right mind could find the strength to dislike him, but there are some sick people he needs to look out for. 

Wonwoo nods as they take a left, walking further from the campus. "He walks him to class when we can't and stuff. He doesn't seem like he expects anything from him either."

Jihoon is aware they're starting to sound like over-protective parents, but he can't really deny that it's exactly what they are. 

"He told me he came to get him with coffee on Monday," Junhui gushes. He almost valses into a wall the second later, though, saved thanks to Jihoon's quick reflexes. He keeps a hand on his forearm for the rest of the walk afterward. 

Since they all seem to agree that, so far, Kim Mingyu is trustworthy, they drop the subject. It's only two minutes until they reach the building and usher Junhui inside. They immediately forbid him to take the stairs when they see him going straight for them, instead dragging him inside the elevator as he pouts unhappily, like he expected them to let him climb 5 levels of stairs in this state. His apartment is just as clean as it usually is, which would be suspicious if Jihoon hadn't witnessed Wonwoo doing their laundry yesterday. 

Junhui immediately drags himself to his bedroom as Wonwoo does a beeline to raid their kitchen. Jihoon follows him, unable to trust his cooking skills. As expected, the boy pulls out three packs of ramen. Wonwoo is nice, organised and clean, sure, but he can't cook to save his life. Neither can Jihoon, as a matter of fact, so he guesses they're stuck with ramen and left-over kimchi. Junhui seems pleased all the same when he walks in the kitchen, now changed in training pants and yet another oversized hoodie. Jihoon vaguely wonders just how big the thing would be on himself and just as quickly shakes the idea out of his head.

He lets Wonwoo have his moment of glory when he cracks an egg inside the ramen, instead setting the table after forcing Junhui to sit down. He has him take his medicine, watching him sternly until he swallows the pills, and Junhui, visibly amused by the situation, makes a show of sticking his tongue out, mouth wide open, to show him he took his pills well. Jihoon wills himself not to blush as he tells Junhui to "keep his damn flu to himself".

The ramen are overcooked, obviously since it's Wonwoo, but they still taste nice and they're all very hungry young adults, so they eat it all. Wonwoo then does the dishes because "Jihoon can't be trusted with dishes, he'll make them even dirtier". Despite the blatant offence, he guesses he wins because he doesn't have to get his hands wet. Instead, he occupies himself by dragging Junhui to bed. 

"You stay in there and you sleep, understood?" he orders him, trying not to look too endeared by the fact that Junhui looks absolutely adorable all tugged in and pouting. 

"Yes, mom," he teases, small smile tugging at his lips. 

It's harder than he thought it would be to leave him behind as they go back to class. Honestly, by now he should be used to it, they always part one way or another, but the ache remains no matter how many time it happens. 

Crushes, he thinks, are really the goddamn worst.

←→

Xu Minghao is a cute kid, Junhui thinks when he happens to spot him on a friendly hangout. He didn't even know they had mutual friends, but he guesses that, since he has mutual friends with Mingyu, it makes sense that he has mutual friends with Minghao as well. He doesn't see Mingyu around, though, which he finds curious, but then again, he isn't always hanging around his own best friends. Oh, well, he thinks now is as good as a time to get to know the boy. Obviously, Minghao didn't expect it, at all, judging by the wide eyes he gets when he goes over to say hi. His friend, a boy with impressive sharp features, hurriedly leaves the scene with a grin.

"Uh, hi, uh, hyung."

Eloquent, but Junhui doesn't hold it against him; he's heard worst. He smiles, bright and friendly. "How are you doing?"

"Uh, I, I'm good?" he asks more than answers, obviously in the middle of a small meltdown. Junhui grins. 

"You think or you're sure?" he questions playfully. Flustered boys are the best, especially really cute ones. 

"I'm sure! I, mh, I'm sorry, I just really didn't expect you to, like, come over, I guess?" he babbles on, cheeks a lovely shade of pink now. 

"Well, I'll be honest and say I didn't expect to meet you there either," Junhui clarifies, eyeing their surroundings. The bar isn't full, it's only an early Tuesday evening, and their little group of friends is barely enough to make it look busy. It's his favourite kind of hangouts, though, it's rather calm and people have the time to actually talk and relax before they have to drag their asses back to studying. He personally got a beer, the fruity kind that leaves a pleasant taste in his mouth. Minghao, however, seems to be nursing some really hardcore whiskey with a bottle of coke. Funny how it contrasts with his soft features and round eyes, he thinks amusedly, and wonders what more there is to him than a pretty face. 

"Ah, well. I don't usually do Tuesday drinking, but Mingyu ditched me, so," Minghao shrugs, drawing Junhui's attention to his thin body. All bones and awkward angles that somehow look great. He bets some models would kill to have such a body. 

He hums, taking a sip of his beer. "Ditched you for Soonyoung, I presume?" he asks, but already knows the answer. Soonyoung said he'd come home later to 'study'. Sure, kid, sure. Junhui has used that excuse one too many times. 

Minghao stifles a laugh with a groan. "It's like I don't exist anymore," he complains with a whiny voice that makes Junhui's heart burst a little from the adorableness. 

"I can totally relate to this experience, Soonyoung barely even says hi to me anymore," he whines back, letting out a dramatic sigh. "Kids grow so fast…"

"Yeah, mine definitely grew too fast and too much," Minghao snickers. Junhui laughs, just remembering how dwarfed everyone feels next to Mingyu. He thinks he's heard Jihoon curse quite a few time about the whole height difference thingy. Of course, Junhui thinks it's adorable, but his friend would not appreciate the feeling. 

"Well," Junhui starts, delighted smile gaining his lips, "since both our best friends are busy with each other, I guess that makes you my new best friend?"

Minghao's expression would have been worth photographing for the few seconds it lasts before he bursts into laughter. Junhui knows this expression, he's seen it many times before, and yet it's still as lovely. It's funny to see how shocked people get with a little bit of bluntness and charm, his signature. He doesn't see the point of stalling, and he quite likes Minghao already. 

"I mean, I guess you could say that, but I'm not that easy, hyung," the boy answers with a crooked smile. Interesting. 

"I wouldn't be a graduate law student if I didn't enjoy a challenge, Minghao." The name rolls off of his tongue easily, as if he'd said it times and times before, and he knows people get surprised by that, too. Jihoon says he's overly familiar and that it'll only get him in troubles, but Jihoon wouldn't know friendly if he saw it right in front of his eyes. 

Minghao doesn't seem bothered, though, merely amused by the situation as he takes a sip of his drink. "Do your worst."

Junhui smiles wide, lifts his beer in honour of this, whatever it was, and swallows a mouthful of beer.

←→

Jihoon isn't happy. One might say that he is never happy, and that would be wrong, because he is a normal human being who just happens to have a little more salt in his body. He is perfectly happy when it's just the four of them, except if Wonwoo gets annoying, then he's happy with it being the three of them. Anyway, the point is, he's not happy with how things are going. Well, okay, he is happy for Soonyoung because Mingyu sounds like a real great guy, but honestly? He could do without the others.

Minghao, for example, he would have been perfectly content without. The kid is literally joined at the hip with Junhui by now, and honestly? That really pisses him off. With Soonyoung gone in the wild and Wonwoo buried under his books, you'd expect he'd get a few hours of peace with Junhui, but nowadays, it's rare to find him alone. Minghao likes to be over, and when he isn't, Junhui isn't here either, meaning if Jihoon wants to spend some time with Junhui, he has to spend some time with Minghao, and he doesn't like Minghao. To be fair, he'd probably like the guy if they weren't always all over each other whispering in Chinese as if Jihoon could even understand more than a few words of the language. The kid didn't do anything to him, really, it's just his whole existence that pisses him off.

He thinks it's the last straw when he comes to visit Junhui and steal their coffee and sees Minghao comfortably cuddled up to his friend on the couch. The small ass couch that Soonyoung got from his cousin because it was shitty anyway, and he was getting another. It's not a very nice sight, and Jihoon grumbles loudly as he walks in the living room. 

"Get a room," he snarls, not meaning to sound so mean, but it's whatever. 

Junhui looks up from the tv, rolling his big eyes at him. "It's literally not even your place, Jihoon," he snaps back, voice hushed. Only then does Jihoon realise that Minghao is actually sleeping, face snuggled against Junhui's collarbones revealed by a way too huge hoodie, once again. He looks adorable, of course he fucking does, and Jihoon wants to punch him. 

"What's up with him?" he asks, voice dipping lower unconsciously. 

His friend smiles at him gently. "Essay kicked his ass and he pulled an all nighter." 

Ah, well, he could understand that, but he couldn't forgive how fucking comfy he looked all over Junhui. Criminal. He walks past them with a grunt to get to the kitchen. The best thing about this house is the coffee machine that Junhui got as a birthday present from his parents when he moved in this appartment with Soonyoung. It makes great coffee and fast, so obviously everyone gathers here when they need the caffeine. Of course, Junhui and Soonyoung love it, bless their social persons' hearts. Jihoon and Wonwoo both end up buying more coffee for the machine than the both of them anyway, so it's fine. And Junhui drinks coffee for five human beings so. Law students have it hard, and Jihoon almost feels bad complaining about his own music major, butJunhui just waves his worries off, saying you can't possibly compare such different majors, and anyway, making music is fucking hella hard. Jihoon appreciates. 

He makes his coffee as bitter as possible, enough to make him last until the late evening. He wonders if Junhui would like some, but remembers he's being used as a pillow currently and tries to burn his own bitterness in his coffee. They have barely moved when he comes back and Jihoon is taken by the childish need to drop himself on their legs, but he's a responsible adult and doesn't, instead crashing on the floor right next to their heads, eyes immediately drifting to the TV. It's a TV show that should be either funny or emotional but he doesn't think Junhui is really paying attention to it anyway. He feels a hand in his hair suddenly, smoothing down the strands, dry and damaged from the multiple bleach and dye works. It can't be very enjoyable, but the boy keeps on doing it anyway, whenever they meet, and Jihoon likes it too much to complain. He leans his head against the couch, letting him rack his short nails against his scalp as he expertly messes up with his hair. Jihoon feels his eyes closing, little by little getting closer to sleepiness, his coffee forgotten in his own hands… 

That's the moment Minghao chooses to stir awake, almost coming barrelling down on him as he violently shifts on the couch. Fuck him, seriously. Jihoon groans as he pushes himself away from the danger that is the boy, protecting his cup of coffee from long limbs and sleepy boys. Junhui is laughing gently at Minghao as he blinks himself awake, immediately reaching for his phone before letting his head fall back down on the older's arm. "Ugh," he says. Jihoon agrees. 

"Slept well?" he asks, voice rough, making the younger boy jump. Howlish wide eyes are on him in seconds, as if he can't believe Jihoon is here. Rude. 

"Hi, hyung," he mumbles, and at least he has the decency to look sheepish as he pushes himself into a sitting position. "I can't believe you let me sleep for so long," is what he groans next, looking back at a smiling Junhui. The boy shrugs. 

"You needed the sleep, now you'll work better tonight." 

Jihoon wonders if Junhui would cuddle him if he said he pulled an all-nighter, and he hates that he knows the answer. More than anything, he hates that he won't ever accept it because he's an idiot. 

Junhui sits up as well, drawing his long legs to himself, and immediately, Jihoon plops down on the couch next to him. Minghao is checking his phone now that he is fully awake, scrolling past what seemed like a thousand of messages and smiling in that weird fond way. His first guess is Mingyu, since the boy seems to be a serial texter, but really, he doesn't know Minghao enough to make such a call. He sips at his coffee peacefully, and Junhui's hand returns to his hair, light on the bleached hair. The bright purple is already mostly faded into a mute pastel and tern colour that can't be called lavender or anything close to it. Junhui had loved it, though, always gushing about how it colourful hair totally fit him. He thinks of doing blue next. 

Minghao says something in Chinese that has Junhui snorting, and Jihoon is almost offended to be excluded like that, but Junhui smiles at him and explains "His friend went to visit a dog shelter and almost adopted 5 dogs." 

Jihoon smiles, understanding. "Sounds like something you'd do." 

Junhui pouts. "That's why I don't go."

Most likely for the best, indeed, the boy was always too soft hearted for everything, especially cute stuff. Sometimes Jihoon feels like he's just another of those cute stuff he likes and adopted, especially when Junhui starts petting his hair like that. He guesses being a cat wouldn't be so bad if he gets to be Junhui's.

Minghao stays for a few more minutes, casually talking to Junhui about a project on the pollution of the oceans and a classmate that's been getting on his nerves, before declaring he needs to get home. "Mingyu and Soonyoung are probably going to be done soon anyway."

Junhui's smile gets wide. "Wonder what they did on today's date?" Jihoon shakes his head fondly.

"They probably went ice skating then had a sweet walk on the beach," Minghao snorts, getting up from the couch to stretch his long, skinny figure. Bones and bones. 

"And they say romance is dead," Jihoon mutters in his coffee, making Junhui laugh warmly next to him. 

He hugs Minghao goodbye, Jihoon simply waving him away. They exchange a few rushed words by the door and then it's just the two of them in the apartment. Finally. Of course, despite there being a lot of place on the couch, Junhui immediately settles right next to him, sides pressed together.

"Busy night ahead?" he asks, voice warm and close to his ear as he puts a hand back in his hair. Jihoon hums. 

"Lots of stuff to go through," he answers, his coffee long gone and mug settled on the coffee table, some old stuff rescued from Soonyoung's mother's basement. He presses himself closer to Junhui, letting himself enjoy the warmth of both him and the shitty sofa. The boy is soft against him, the perfect cuddly buddy, and Jihoon completely understands Minghao for falling asleep so comfortably, because it is now the only thing he wants to do. 

Junhui starts to hum a song, some popular english thing that's been on the radio a lot, and Jihoon knows he's doomed now. He's not going to be moving from his position for another hour or two, lulled into comfort by his friend's sweet voice. Junhui always refuses to sing on his tracks, although Jihoon has told him many times before how much he loves his voice, which never fails to make him feel dejected. Junhui is not the best singer he's heard, but there is something in the way his voice curls around the notes that he can't get enough of. 

He closes his eyes, leaning his head on the chinese boy's shoulder. He knows Junhui is smiling, knows those are his favourite moments, and Jihoon won't tell him, but those are his favourite moments, too. 

No fighting, no angst or dry jokes, just peace, softness and raw fondness. 

He wishes Junhui knew, just knew, all that he couldn't bring himself to say.

←→

Junhui doesn't ever expect anything from a party aside from fun and alcohol, which he thinks is already enough for his weary law graduate student ass. That's all he expects from tonight as well, some mindless fun in an unfamiliar apartment, until he spots him. He's not hard to spot at all, what with the glowing beauty and funny laugh, surrounded by a bunch of students who all seem pretty entranced by him. He understands them, himself feeling drawn to him upon seeing him. They don't usually have parties together, which Junhui puts on the fact that they are both on separate years, separate majors and separate friend circles, so it feels like a 'now or never' kind of situation. And Junhui is definitely a 'now' kind of guy.

He is pleased to see Jeonghan's whole face light up when he spots him coming close, a pretty smile spread on his thin lips. He excuses himself quickly from his company to join him halfway through. 

"Hi, doctor." 

Jeonghan huffs a laugh, carefully sliding a longer strand of hair behind his ear. "Not yet, but I'm flattered. How is the patient?" 

Junhui smiles pleasantly. "Better than ever," he starts, before frowning slightly. "Wait, I just missed an opportunity to say I was feeling sick so you'd take care of me again," he says in his best fake disappointed tone.

Jeonghan chuckles, then winks at him with a teasing smile. "Oh, but I'd be happy to take care of an healthy patient as well." 

"Do you hit on all your healthy patients like that?" Junhui asks, eyes twinkling with mischief. 

The older boy raises an eyebrow, smile widening. "Only the very handsome ones."

Jeonghan, he finds out, is as pleasant as he looks, easy and soft, the kind of person Junhui most easily befriends. They have more in common than they'd both expected, apparently, and soon the party gets a little too stuffy for the both of them. He doesn't think much of it, when Jeonghan asks if he wants to get out of here, easily agreeing and following the boy out. He is sure it doesn't go unnoticed by many, and it's a low whistle that sets his mind in motion. 

"Hey, we can go to my place? My roommate is out." 

Out for a while, if he can get it to work. He knows Soonyoung is with Mingyu right at this moment, so if he plays his matchmaker cards right, he can convince him to spend the night there… He needs to text Minghao as well. 

"You know, when you say it like that, it sounds like you're coming onto me," Jeonghan answers with a soft laugh. 

Not embarrassed one bit, Junhui smiles at him. "I guess I kind of am?" he says easily, fingers hovering over his phone. "I wouldn't mind spending more time with you, at the very least."

One stone, two birds; he gets Soonyoung and Mingyu to spend the night together, and he gets to know Jeonghan better. Junhui texts Minghao the plan, and he already knows the answer, really.

Jeonghan stays quiet for a few long seconds as they walk down the road, no destination in mind yet. He starts, very slowly, "You know, I'm not looking for anything, right?" 

Junhui blinks at him, only now realising how it must have sounded. "Oh. Oh, no, me neither. Like, no offense, you're a really great and nice guy, but I don't really date or anything, really." 

That seems to do it, Jeonghan relaxing immediately and grinning at him. "God, that's good then. I would have sounded really stupid rejecting you." 

The younger student laughs. "I think I'd sound even more stupid rejecting you, honestly."

Jeonghan smiles, letting out a sigh of relief. "That being said," he adds suddenly, "I don't mind fooling around with very handsome patients." 

"My offer still stands," he answers easily, winking exaggeratedly at the older man. 

"I'll have to accept, I am but a weak man," Jeonghan laughs, threading fingers through his brown locks. They look silky and nice, and Junhui notes that he needs to find out how they feel by the end of the night. 

"Isn't your roommate Soonyoung, though?"

Junhui blinks. "Yeah, why?" 

"Where is he going to be?" 

"Oh, that," Junhui snorts. "He's eating with Mingyu. Originally he's supposed to come back home, but if I'm busy at home, he'll just go back with Mingyu."

Jeonghan smiles. "Are they dating yet? Mingyu doesn't tell me much."

Junhui shakes his head. "It's a work in process."

"So, I'm like, your alibi?" he asks, smirk tugging at his lips. 

"Let's say you're a big help in the Soongyu plan," he answers with a wink. 

—

He really didn't expect much, but he really isn't disappointed when Jeonghan kisses him behind closed doors, much harder and hungrier than he'd have thought him capable. His hair looks even softer fanned over his pillow, and it is even softer to the touch, Junhui's fingers losing themselves in the strands. Jeonghan is hasty, but likes to feel delicate and admired, and Junhui is eager to give him just that, just the way he wants it. 

It's weird, it always is to some extent, even if they both like to pretend it's not, to have sex with someone you have no feelings for aside from attraction. It's weird, because they both know. They both know they have someone else in mind even as they kiss, sweaty bodies pressed together. 

They pretend they don't. 

It's easier, they think, to crush your feelings than to crush on someone you can never have.

←→

Jihoon likes Wonwoo just fine; He's quiet most of the time, mostly minds his own business, and doesn't try to mother him despite his terrible and unhealthy habits. He is fine with having him in the studio because Wonwoo likes to have someone with him when he studies and Jihoon kind of likes having him around because it's always nice to have a second opinion. It's an arrangement that works well most of the time, as long as they don't start talking about the taboo topics.

They get along fine, really, although they both have the same kind of strong mental that sometimes makes it hard for them to communicate. They just… Well, if Soonyoung and Junhui weren't playing glue, Jihoon is not sure he would still be talking to Wonwoo more than once in a while.

But, really, he likes him. They work.

"I don't think it sounds right." 

Jihoon groans, almost succumbing to the temptation of slamming his head on the desk. He knows it doesn't sound right, he fucking does, he just wishes he knew what the hell was wrong. 

"Maybe it's the hook part?" Wonwoo tries, eyebrows furrowing as he taps his fingers on his book. He does it when he's thinking hard, so Jihoon really can't hold it against him, he's trying to help. 

He hums, skimming through his composition with determination. "I don't think it is, though."

Wonwoo stays silent for a bit, thinking. "Maybe there are just too many stuff going on."

Well, it's possibility. He could drop a layer or two, most likely. "I'll try that, thanks."

"You're welcome," the boy answers with a shrug, his eyes already back on the tiny lines on his book. Jihoon wonders who's got it worst from the both of them. 

They both get back to their own business, until Wonwoo's phone starts vibrating angrily. Wonwoo, as always, doesn't immediately check it, which proves to be a very big mistake, since the phone just continues to go off every few seconds. With a sigh, the boy finally reaches for it. He frowns the second he starts reading through the texts. 

Jihoon snorts. "Anyone died?"

Wonwoo rolls his eyes. "You'd think, but it's just Junhui." 

"Oh." Jihoon tries, he really does, to not look like he's jealous of the fact that Junhui aggressively texts Wonwoo and not him, but he knows he doesn't do a very good job at it. Wonwoo stops skimming through the texts but doesn't look up, merely looking like a cat caught in a sticky situation. 

"What's he saying?" Jihoon asks before he can stop himself, curiosity and jealousy eating at him already. He hates himself, he really does, because he knows he doesn't have any right or even any actual reason to feel like that, and yet. 

Wonwoo eyes stay set on the screen although he's not reading anymore, and that's how Jihoon knows there is something. They're not telling him something.

"Just, you know, dying from the homework." 

Now, that doesn't make any sense, and Wonwoo knows it, because Junhui would directly text it on the group chat if that was it, but he didn't. He sets his jaw, takes a deep breath. He can't get mad at this, this is ridiculous. 

"Wonwoo," he says, voice deepening in warning. If it had been Soonyoung, the boy would have rather died than reveal anything, but Wonwoo, despite his hard head, didn't like fighting much if he could avoid it; they had a fragile relationship going on, and anything could set it off. 

The boy sighs. "Don't do that, Jihoon."

"Then don't lie to me," he snaps back, frowning heavily. He knows he shouldn't do that, because if Junhui isn't telling him, then he really shouldn't push it, it's none of his business. But now, now he knows too much and too little and it's not working well with his mind. What if Wonwoo and Junhui decided to date again? He doesn't think he can do this. He knows how fucking shitty that is for him not to be happy for two of his best friends, but he can't, he really can't. 

"Junhui doesn't want you to know," Wonwoo answer plainly, now looking him in the eyes, not backing away, not just yet.

"Are you guys dating again?" he asks, and he doesn't mean for his tone to be so bitter and sharp, making Wonwoo wince and look away. 

But then, Wonwoo's jaw sets, eyes burning with anger as they meet his. "See, this is exactly fucking why Junhui doesn't tell you things."

He wants to punch him, he really does, hands curling into fists as he strains to stay sitting in his chair. "Are you? Are you dating?" he spits out, venom curling around his voice like a second skin.

"We're not, for fuck's sake Jihoon, and even if we were, you don't fucking get to act like that."

He knows, he fucking knows. 

"Then what is it?" he presses, "why won't you tell me, then?"

Wonwoo groans, putting his phone down with his book, crossing his arms over his chest in a protective stance. "Because you're going to hurt him again, that's fucking why." 

Jihoon snickers bitterly. "You're talking like you didn't hurt him."

"I'm not talking about that with you right now, Jihoon," Wonwoo warns, gravely voice dropping lower, irritation flaring, "We both made a mistake." He is being petty and needlessly mean, he knows, but there is something pleasant in watching Wonwoo's carefully put together face crumble in distaste; a little voice in him is telling him Wonwoo deserves it. He hates it, wishes he could just tear it out of his chest. It's not him, it can't be him, and yet.

"Then you could just tell me what you guys are hiding from me," he says, tone suddenly pleasant, knowing he'll now get what he wants. Wonwoo is easy once you know which buttons to push, and he really hates talking about his mistakes. 

The boy is stone faced, lips pulled into a thin line, expression guarded. There is no fight left in his eyes, but it doesn't mean he's completely given up either. "If you hurt him with that, I swear…"

"I won't," Jihoon answers quickly, too quickly. Wonwoo squints at him. Sighs. 

"Junhui slept with Jeonghan, ok? It's not even a big deal, so don't make it one."

His throat is dry when he swallows. Well, that's something he should have expected, he thinks. He doesn't even know when they got to see each other and how, and somehow, it hurts more to realise Junhui isn't telling him about his life than the fact that they slept together. When did it happen? When did Junhui stop trusting him with those simple things? He remembers when the boy used to tell him about every single person he found attractive, and although it had hurt then, he wishes, maybe, they could go back to then, when Junhui still trusted him. 

It hurts because he knows it's own damn fault if he's lost this. He's not better than Wonwoo fucking up, no better than whoever fucked up Junhui before they even knew each other, and it fucking stings like a bitch. It's not him, it's not who he is. 

Except it is. 

"Ok," he says, voice suddenly soft, guilt choking him up. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that to you," he apologises quietly, looking down. 

Wonwoo sighs, shifting on his seat. "You shouldn't have, no. Now, just… Don't hurt him, Jihoon. Don't think we'll play nice forever because we're friends."

Jihoon nods, properly chastised and calmed down now, even a little ashamed of his actions. It's always like this, no matter how hard he tries to control himself, whenever Junhui is involved, he can't stay out of it, can't keep his cool. Pretty fucking shitty.

"I'm gonna go," his friend announces, gathering his stuff to stuff them neatly in his bag. "Try to stop being an asshole, yeah?"

He nods once again. "Sorry, Wonwoo."

The boy pets his hair on his way out, hand light and gentle, sign that he is not as a mad as he should be. "I'm not the one you should apologise to, idiot."

←→

Jihoon knows, that much is obvious.

Junhui can't even be mad at anyone for that, he knew that, eventually, Jihoon would learn about his thing with Jeonghan, and he guesses sooner is better than later. To his credit, Jihoon doesn't even call him out on it, doesn't even act like he knows it, but Junhui can just feel it, the way he looks at him differently, avoids his eyes and scouts away ever so slightly. It's not on purpose, he knows it's not, but it doesn't mean it doesn't reflect his thoughts. It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. 

Jihoon voiced his distaste for Junhui's sex life often enough for him to know exactly what he was thinking about him. 

Maybe it's worst that he doesn't say a thing about it. It's always easier to fight it out with Jihoon; they fight, they apologise, and then they just go back to normal like nothing happened, it's how they do it. It's weird to have Jihoon be so cautious around him, so weird Junhui almost thinks it'd be better if he triggered the fight. He doesn't. 

"You're overthinking," Soonyoung says as he sits next to him on the floor, back leaned on the couch. Their shoulders bump slightly, drawing Junhui out of his thoughts. 

Soonyoung is smiling, as he so often does. It's even more frequent these days, which Junhui can only thank Mingyu for. Seeing him so happy always makes him feel a little lighter, usually. Today his smile is wry. 

"How did you know?"

Soonyoung leans his head on his shoulder, wrapping an arm around his. "Because I'm your best friend, I know everything."

Junhui chuckles quietly, leaning his head on Soonyoung's and closing his eyes. 

"Do you know what's troubling me, then, best friend?" he asks, voice hushed. 

"What so often troubles you. Or, rather, who," his friend answers gently. He starts dragging fingers up and down his forearm, something Junhui has come to associate with a soothing touch. 

He sighs. "He is mad at me."

"He is not, he's just a cranky asshole," Soonyoung says with a soft snort. 

Junhui smiles softly, relaxing under the soft touches. "He is, though." 

"Junhui," the boy starts carefully, touch halting. "Jihoon isn't mad at you."

"How can you be so sure?" 

Soonyoung shrugs delicately. "I can just feel it."

Junhui stays silent as his friend starts dragging his fingers on his arm again, gentle and careful, leaving small goosebumps on their wake. He isn't sure he trusts Soonyoung's guts judgement, but he can't really say he doesn't either, it's like the boy has a sixth sense about people. But, well, sometimes he also terribly misjudges them, so it's definitely not exact science. He knows Jihoon well enough, though, so maybe he's right about it all, maybe Jihoon is really not mad and he's just really overthinking it. He wishes it's true. 

"Besides," Soonyoung chirps in again, "if he really is mad, it's really dumb and you shouldn't feel bad about that."

He guesses it's true. After all, it's his way of doing things, and if Jihoon isn't capable of accepting him the way he is, he's not the one at fault. It's not like he's hurting anyone in the process. Still, it doesn't sit well with him. Maybe it's because he thrives to satisfy people, to have everyone like him and that having someone angry at him makes him feel like absolute shit. It's probably a whole bunch of disorders speaking, eating at him, making him feel worthless and shitty; it doesn't make it less real. 

He sighs. "I know, it's just... I wish he wasn't, you know?"

Soonyoung hums in answer, slipping his fingers in between his. "And I'm telling you, he isn't."

Junhui smiles, squeezing his hand gently in his. "I'm gonna trust you on this one, then, best friend."

"As you always should," Soonyoung wisely answers. "Now, stop overthinking it and kick this essay's ass, yeah?"

Junhui laughs, letting the boy untangle himself from him. "Thank you, Soon, you're the best." 

He chuckles, now kneeling by his side, and pets his hair. "Only for you, babe." 

"Liar, I see you cheating with Mingyu," Junhui huffs, faking irritation. The boy laughs instead of denying it. He hasn't been doing it, recently, the whole denying thing, and Junhui likes it. It's cute, he thinks, how they both like each other so much already. 

"You're still my number one," he slyly chants.

"Don't Boa me, Kwon Soonyoung."

Soonyoung laughs, getting on his feet to go back to his room, but not without petting his friend's hair one more time. "Work well, Junnie."

Junhui groans back in answer, eyes back on the papers strewn across the shitty coffee table. At least, it's quite the distraction from his messy thoughts. 

With a sigh, he opens his laptop again. Whether Jihoon is angry or not, it'll all have to wait until after this essay.

←→

Parties are a special place in hell, that much Jihoon is sure of.

Junhui's parties are the only ones he goes to, for obvious reasons, so when the annual joint birthday party comes up, he doesn't really have much choice but to stick around for the night. Junhui and Soonyoung look happy, at the very least, so he decides to grow a pair and shut up. It goes on smoothly for the hour or so, he even hits it up pretty good with a kid called Hansol with a bright smile, who is apparently a friend of Mingyu and Minghao. He's pretty chill and easy to be around, and most importantly, doesn't seem to mind staying quiet for a bit. 

So, everything goes well, right up until Junhui comes to check on him, all pretty teeth and twinkly eyes. Jihoon can't help the smile spreading on his lips when he sees him like that. Junhui is most definitely a people person, that much is obvious; He looks brighter than a phone screen in the middle of the night, which is to say, absolutely blinding.

"Hey Hoonie! Making friends?" he asks brightly, and Jihoon absolutely hates that there is no sign of mockery in his tone. Junhui is always so genuine, how creepy.

Hansol is grinning, all teeth out and sparkly eyes. Jihoon feels a little dull in between them, as he so often does anyway. Having really hot friends does that to you. 

"Uh, yeah, I guess. That's Hansol, he's a nice kid."

Hansol doesn't even look offended, and even laughs a little as he greets Junhui and wishes him a happy birthday. Bless the kid - actually, scratch that, the kid has obviously been blessed enough with a face like that. Still, he's nice. 

"Oh, Minghao told me a lot about you," is what Junhui answers to the kid, still all smiles.

Oh. Minghao. Of course, Minghao. They do talk a huge amount of time in between platonic cuddles and whispered secrets. Crazy. He's not gonna get bitter on a birthday party, no. 

Hansol chuckles. "So I guess it's useless to try and act cool, you probably know about the dorm life."

"Well, I've heard some things worthy of a tweet," Junhui grins. This is all making him very curious, because so far he thought Hansol was a pretty cool kid, but he doesn't really have any time to inquire about more since a newcomer comes to tip the balance from 'agreeable night out' to 'what the fuck'. 

"Junhui! Happy birthday!"

Jeonghan looks absolutely stunning even in the simplest black clothes, and that alone is enough to tick him off. But, of course, he has to drape himself all over Junhui, just to make Jihoon's eyebrows fly to his hairline. Junhui, of course, laughs pleasantly as he puts a hand over Jeonghan's on his chest. 

"Thank you, hyung!"

"You're quite a hard man to get ahold of," Jeonghan continues with a lazy smile, leaning his weight on Junhui with ease. Well, Jihoon had known they had slept together at least once, but that definitely did not look like a 'we had a one nightstand' relationship. But it's alright, it's totally fine. Junhui is a grown single man who can do whatever he wants on his spare time, and with whoever he wants as well. If it happens to be a very good looking man, well, that's good for him, probably. Jeonghan looks like a nice man all around.

"The downside of fame," Junhui laughs, apparently comfortable with the situation. He seems to realise he's excluding Hansol and him since he immediately turns his attention back on them with a bright smile. "Oh, you know Hansol, don't you?"

Jeonghan's eyes finally tear away from Junhui to look at them, a cheeky smile on his lips. "Oh boy, do I."

Hansol shifts by his side. "We know each other, indeed," he says with what sounds like a nervous snicker. Jihoon is glad he isn't the only one feeling uncomfortable with Jeonghan, although he's pretty sure his reasons are not the same as Hansol's. 

Junhui, unbothered, is now smiling at him. "And you've met Jihoon, of course."

Jeonghan's smile becomes sly, corners curling in the same way Jihoon's stomach does. "Yes, of course. Hello, Jihoon." 

Jihoon isn't sure he imagines the challenge in his tone, but either way he doesn't like it much. He smiles back, though it's a little wry. "Hello, hyung."

He decides Jeonghan is definitely infuriating, way past the good looks. His hold tightens ever so slightly around Junhui as he addresses him a smug smile. That, he is sure he doesn't imagine. Is the guy actually taunting him? It's fine, breath in, breath out. It's nothing, nothing at all, just a little playful fun. 

"How have you been doing?" Jeonghan asks, voice smooth like silk that Jihoon wants to rip apart. 

"Been doing absolutely great," he answers drily back. Junhui's eyes are on him, squinting slightly as if he's trying to figure out where the animosity is coming from. Of course, he wouldn't know. 

"When did you two get so close, anyway?" he wonders before he can shut his mouth, curiosity eating him up almost as quickly as jealousy. 

The older boy seems pleased by the question judging by the way he curls his lips, pulling Junhui back against him. "We have a lot more in common than you'd expect," he responds without a hitch as Junhui, sensing the conflict, shifts in his arms. 

It comes out harsh, ugly, the monster in his chest ripping his flesh apart to be exposed. "Oh, like slut activities?"

Junhui's expression turns sour immediately, and, as if taken aback by the venom in his voice, Jeonghan's arms slip off of him. It's a victory, the voice in his chest rumbles, just as his brain wraps itself around the mess he just put himself into. 

"Jihoon, what the actual _fuck_ ," Junhui hisses harshly, already stepping forward to confront him. He is mad, of course he is mad, what the hell was he thinking about? 

Oh, sure, tell the guy you're in love with he's a slut, great job! He's so gonna love that. Fuck you, Lee Jihoon. 

"What? Can't a guy joke?" he snickers, arrogant and nonchalant in a way Junhui would have read through if he hadn't been so pissed.

" _Joke_? JOKE? You fuckin-..." he seems to realise that they are fighting in front of a bunch of guests, eyes darting from side to side before they're back on him, and now Jihoon can absolutely tell of angry he is, seething glare burning on his skin. And yet, yet it's still better than seeing Jeonghan wrapped all around him. 

"Follow me," he spits out in a hushed tone, back already facing him as he makes his way to the kitchen. Jihoon is hot on his steps, skin warm, anger and jealousy bubbling hot in his chest and stomach. Now he is mad too, mad for absolutely no fucking reasons. Maybe it's at himself, maybe it's at Jeonghan, maybe even at Junhui, who the hell knows? Venom is dripping from his tongue and he needs to let it out before he poisons himself.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" is the first thing Junhui growls the second they step inside the kitchen. From the corner of the eye, Jihoon registers Wonwoo and two others leaving, and it's good, it's very good, because a fight with Wonwoo around is only bound to end up in blood. 

"What is wrong with _you_? It was a joke!"

"A joke?" Junhui scoffs, expression twisting uglily. "That didn't fucking sound like one."

Because it wasn't, it fucking wasn't. 

"And even if it was, how can you say that to someone you don't even know?" Junhui continues, throwing his hands up as he does, anger hot and blind. 

Ah, there it is. That's why Junhui is so fucking mad to begin with, because Jihoon dared to try and hurt Jeonghan. That's why, that's fucking why. God, he should have guessed from the start. The need to go claw Jeonghan's pretty face off burns in his stomach but his feet stay glued to the floor as he snarls "Well, if he felt attacked that means it holds some fucking truth, doesn't it?"

Junhui goes red, and before he has the time to answers hotly to his provocation, Soonyoung's voice breaks their fight. "What's happening?"

Jihoon only now notices him and Mingyu, standing close to each other. Fucking great. Just what they fucking need. 

"Jihoon is being a fucking dick, that's what's happening," Junhui angrily spits out, still looking straight at Jihoon. 

He laughs humorlessly. "Apparently, I'm not allowed to make jokes anymore," he fights back, frowning up at a very irritated Junhui. He wants to punch him, most likely, and Jihoon is so fucking mad now that he'll probably answer just as hard, throw himself all out and fucking mess everything up even further. Well, he's come this far now anyway. 

"That was not 'a joke' Jihoon, that was downright mean and you fucking know it, stop being an asshole," Junhui snarls. 

But he couldn't, he fucking couldn't, the irrational anger crawling under his skin, clawing at his rationality and digging at his jealousy. 

"If Wonwoo had made this joke, you wouldn't even bat a fucking eyelash," he spits out, uncaring about whatever he fucked up now. From the way Junhui's face twists unpleasantly, it was obviously not the right thing to say, and Jihoon thinks it's good, it's fucking good. They always avoid talking about Wonwoo because they know exactly what it'll lead to, but now what? Why don't they just talk about what a fucking mistake this whole thing was? How fucked up it had been? Who the hell cares? It's over anyway, unless...

Unless. 

"Why the fuck do you even have to bring Wonwoo into that? He wouldn't make this sick 'joke' to someone he barely knows, for fuck's sake."

As always, as fucking always, Junhui is so defensive of Wonwoo, as if the guy didn't fuck with him as well, as if he wasn't the first to call him a fucking slut. Fuck him, fuck them. 

"Yeah, because Wonwoo is such a fucking saint, of fucking course."

If it's only going downhill, he doesn't fucking care anymore. 

"Don't fucking go there, Jihoon, just don't," Junhui warns him, and Jihoon should listen to him, he should, but anger and jealousy has him bound. Eyes burning with rage, he doesn't hesitate a second before striking.

"Why can't I? Was his dick really that good, uh?"

"GUYS FOR FUCK'S SAKE! What the hell is wrong with you?" Soonyoung hollers, sounding impossibly fed up. Jihoon's glare immediately falls on him, only for him to realise he's glaring at fucking Kwon Soonyoung, for the love of god.

He's fucking messed up. 

"I swear to God, I'm about to punch you. You really shouldn't be having this conversation, not right now when you're both drunk, not ever. Stop being a dick, Jihoon, and stop leading him on, Junhui. You both need to cool the fuck off," he scolds exasperatedly, frowning at them in his best severe face. Jihoon's stomach flips.  
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, he...

"Make up. Apologise to each other, and you, Jihoon, to whoever you wronged. Now."

He looks down, apologises already tumbling out of his mouth as he fails to look up at Junhui, who is apologising just as much, which doesn't make any fucking sense since he was the only one who wronged him in the end. Junhui doesn't deserve that, he doesn't deserve to be fucked over all the time like that, and he... He is disgusted by himself, deeply. 

How come it happens over and over again? How come he can't just fucking talk it out like a normal human being? He'll never come close to deserving Junhui, ever. 

"Junhui, stop apologising," he says suddenly, looking up at the Chinese student, "you didn't do anything wrong, I did. I'm sorry I said that."

The boy blinks at him, mouth hanging open for a few seconds before he closes it only to smile slightly at him. "I shouldn't have yelled in the first place," he mumbles shyly, and Jihoon is almost mad that he feels the need to apologise for calling him out on his bullshit.

He sighs. "It's not your fault, you only did what was right. I didn't mean to hurt you, I'm sincerely sorry."

Junhui nods in understanding, smile widening a little. "I know you didn't, Jihoon, you never do." 

That's the thing, that's always the thing; Junhui always forgives him. There wasn't a time he even thought about being mad at him, about holding a grudge for what he said, and that's fucking unfair. Junhui is too soft, too nice, too kind, too fucking perfect. People walk all over him and he smiles like it doesn't matter if he's hurt as long as others are fine. Jihoon doesn't understand, can't even begin to understand how someone can be so nice and selfless in this world. He is selfish, cruel, an awful monster of anger and jealousy, so it's above him to understand how someone can be so different and beautiful.

Wen Junhui is probably a fucking angel and he's the demon that fell for him; The fucking twisted kind of love story that never ends well. 

And it's good, it's fucking good, because Jihoon doesn't deserve him to begin with.

←→

Junhui is pretty sure that Soonyoung and Mingyu dating is the best thing that has happened in his life. He puts it even higher in his list of good things that happened to him than that one time he bumped into G-Dragon in Hongdae and got a picture with him, which is kind of wild.

He can't explain it. He feels like it's a 'finally' even though, all in all, they have both only known each other for about 2 months or so, which is odd, but can only highlight just how fated they were. Now, Junhui doesn't believe in fate, he usually doesn't even think twice about all this love bullshit, but from the very beginning, he knew there was just something about them. Soonyoung smiling brighter than ever, chatting shyly about what Mingyu said that day, carefully locking hands with him as they smile at each other… It feels like they've known each other for so long. Junhui had come up with a theory along with Minghao, who was his most loyal helper in his "get soongyu" together project: they were lovers in previous lifetimes. No, more than lover, they are soulmates, and each lifetime, they find each other again and fall in love. 

Now that they're dating and very happy about it, he can't help but think he's right about it all. 

Mingyu is over, and Junhui can hear them laugh in Soonyoung's room as he drowns in his essays, and honestly, it's kind of helpful. Helpful in the way that he doesn't exactly feel like reaching for the nearest knife to end it all. Instead, he just feels the need to slam his head on the table just hard enough to lose consciousness and maybe stay in a coma until he's 70 or something. That sounds doable. 

After the longest sigh in history, he decides to take a break and checks his phone. Wonwoo had texted him what looks the entirety of an essay on Chinese literature, to which he answered with a plain "lol u ok bro", Minghao is complaining endlessly about how is crush almost set his kitchen on fire trying to fry an egg "but he was so cute I couldn't even get mad". He snorts as he types back a "you're so fucking fucked". The last message is from Jeonghan, and he isn't too eager to open it. 

_"He likes you."_

The older's voice, his smug smile and the glass he tips in honour of his findings, the whole scene replays in his head. This whole party had been a mistake, he thinks as he locks his phone, putting his head in his hands. He had fought with Jihoon, Jeonghan had to be a smug fucker, after what he drank like a truck and he then proceeded to make out with Minghao out of all the people in the bathroom. A whole fucking mess. 

The good thing is that he had made up easily with Jihoon, as always, and that he and Minghao both agreed to never ever speak about the making out to anyone, so that was okay. The not okay part is Jeonghan. The boy had not been at all hurt by Jihoon's crudeness, very sadly so in retrospect, instead finding it particularly enlightening and amusing. 

_"He likes you."_

Jeonghan was a nice guy, but once he got hold of something, he never let it go, and apparently Junhui's sentimental life was the most interesting thing in his life right now. Sadly for him, if there is one thing Junhui absolutely hates, it's people trying to pry at his private life, in any way. Jeonghan doesn't mean any harm, he is sure of it, but all the same, Junhui won't have it. 

Well, there, now he is tense and bothered and won't be able to get anything done. God, what does a guy have to do to get a sex partner without any feelings involved? 

Soonyoung's door flies open and Mingyu stumbles out looking a little disheveled and really happy, Soonyoung hot on his heels, hands linked. Well, at least those two are having a good time, so he guesses the party wasn't a waste for everybody.

"You guys having a good time?" he asks innocently, although he wiggles his eyebrows at Mingyu who gives him a shy smile back. 

Soonyoung, who looks at least just as messy as his boyfriend, gives him a bright smile. "Very much so. Are we bothering you?"

Junhui snorts. "God, no, I'm bothering myself."

"How I relate," Mingyu sighs. 

"Same," Soonyoung continues, casually swinging their hands. "Mingyu is gonna make pancakes, you want some?"

"Oh god, please," he stammers out, already salivating at the idea. Mingyu is a great cook, as he has learnt over the past months, and honestly, he doesn't remember when was the last time he ate something homemade. They chuckle at him. "First batch will be ready in like 20 minutes, be brave, hyung."

"Looking forward to it," he smiles as Mingyu drags Soonyoung to the kitchen. He hopes Mingyu brought the stuff he needs because he's pretty sure they don't have anything in the fridge. 

He stretches, his eyes falling on his phone. He unlocks it, deletes the unread message without reading. He's got better things to do than have a meltdown mid-day, so that can definitely wait. 

Everything can wait, except studies, so that's what he's going to do; Study and eat those pancakes.

←→

Jihoon doesn't mean to become distant, not at first.

These days had just been a huge rollercoaster and he needed some time to recollect himself and think. Soonyoung and Mingyu dating was great news, of course, and he was truly happy about that, and he wished he could have been here for that, to tell them just that, but everything else was too much. He couldn't look Junhui in the eye, or even Wonwoo for that matter, and he couldn't possibly stand in the same room as Soonyoung without feeling like absolute shit. He just needed time. 

So he locked himself in his studio and room, only ever going out to get food late at night and coffee for survival. He even avoids going to their usual coffee place, just in case he'd walk into them. Nobody is really concerned, at first, because Jihoon tends to do that a lot, just close off and bury himself in work, and is thankful for that. Even Junhui only texts him a couple of times to ask if he's good, and doesn't complain when he doesn't answer. For the first two weeks, it's alright, just him and work and nothing else. 

It gets weird on the third week, when Soonyoung and Wonwoo actually turn up together at the studio, both looking equally worried. It takes a lot of reassuring and frowning for them to leave him, and he knows from the way Wonwoo is looking at him that it's not enough. 

He needed time, he needed a lot of it. 

He realises he's avoiding Junhui at the beginning of the fourth week. Junhui texts him asking if everything is fine with way too many smileys, and Jihoon just stares at it for several minutes because he doesn't know if everything is fine. It doesn't feel fine, it just feels empty, but he thinks it's better than hurting Junhui. Anything is better than hurting Junhui. 

Maybe it's the right thing to do, maybe he needs to stay away from Junhui and stop being so damn selfish. Junhui can do just fine without him, he is the one who needs him, after all, so it doesn't sound too much like a stretch to just disappear from his life. It's better this way, he convinces himself. 

Still, he answers the text because he knows Junhui will eventually come see him if he doesn't, although he is so, so busy. 

_it's fine, don't worry, just lot of work_

It's enough to appease him, at least, for the time. It hurts, it fucking hurts, but if he just buries himself in work and stops thinking, then maybe, maybe it'll be fine. Maybe he'll get over Junhui and stop hurting the both of them.

He just needs time, just a little more, and it'll be fine…

When he passes out from exhaustion, it's fine. It's been five weeks now, five weeks since he's seen him for longer than a minute, five weeks he's stopped hurting him. It's good, it's good, he can't hurt him like that, so who cares if he is fine? 

The hospital is a waste of time, but apparently he needs to rest, eat and hydrate himself because that's what human beings fucking do, and what he hasn't been doing properly in his haste to stay busy.

Wonwoo looks like he's going to punch him the second he steps inside the room, and Jihoon wishes he did. 

"Are you fucking out of your mind?" is the first thing that comes out of his mouth when he walks closer to his bed, frowning heavily and looking absolutely fuming. 

Jihoon shrugs, shoulders heavy. "It's fine."

Wonwoo is the one that looks about to pass out for a second. "FINE? _Fine_? What the fucking hell Jihoon. You fucking passed out because you were half fucking dead!"

Jihoon winces at the loud, deep voice. His head hurts. Wonwoo takes a deep breath, looking at the other patients in the room, then sits down on the chair next to his bed, looking slightly calmed now. 

"Junhui and Soonyoung are coming too, later," he informs immediately, and Jihoon doesn't mean to look so frightened at the thought. 

"They can't, tell them they can't," he begs hurriedly, hands moving to grab Wonwoo's arm. The man gives him a weird look, but holds his hands all the same. 

"Jihoon, listen…" he says as he squeezes his hands gently, "I don't know what happened that made you like that, but we need to fix that. We were all dead worried about you."

"It's fine, I'm fine, Wonwoo, please, they can't come," he repeats a little more firmly, although his voice is flimsy and weak. 

Wonwoo shakes his head, slowly. "Jihoon, you have to talk to them. Junhui was making himself sick worrying for you, and Soonyoung almost cried when we learnt you fainted."

Oh no, oh no. He hurt them. He was trying to keep them safe, but he did hurt them anyway. Fuck, fuck, fuck. That can't happen. That can't be true, he didn't do anything, he… 

"Hey, hey, Jihoon, calm down, look at me, buddy," Wonwoo says, his voice sounding so far, so, so far. Everything is a blur, the sound of his heart the only clear thing over his ragged breathing.

He doesn't realise it's a panic attack he's having up until a nurse comes rushing in, gently talking him down until the tears in his eyes dry and his heart stops trying to rip itself out. Wonwoo is still there, holding his hand and looking as calm as ever as if he didn't just witness the most embarrassing thing Jihoon had ever done. 

"Will you be alright?" the nurse asks, looking in between him and Wonwoo, probably thinking Wonwoo did something bad that triggered him. Jihoon merely nods with a smile until the nurse leaves them. 

"I'm sorry," he apologises quickly, looking down at their hands. 

"It's alright, Jihoon. I just want you to be fine. Really fine."

Wonwoo is always so honest and calming, Jihoon wonders how in the world he could even hate him. Did he ever really, or was it just ugly jealousy? He doesn't know, he isn't very good at knowing his own self apparently. 

They stay silent for a bit longer because Jihoon is tired and doesn't know what to say, and because Wonwoo likes the silence, he always did.

Then they arrive.

Junhui looks like he's having a high fever again, hair disheveled and eyebags an ugly shade of purple, while Soonyoung is close to tears already, blind eyes shining bright. Jihoon feels bad. It's his fault, his own damn fault. 

Junhui is warm when he suddenly embraces him, almost crushing him in a tight hug as he sniffs next to his ear. His heart beats the loudest it has in weeks.

"I was so worried, so, so worried," he mutters as he pulls away from him, holding eye contact with him for a steady ten seconds before Jihoon looks away. 

Soonyoung hugs him as well, trying to hide his sobbing with a large smile as he caresses his cheek. Then, he frowns. 

"You got skinnier," he says with a sniff, looking all but happy. 

Jihoon tries to smile at him. He knows he is, he knows he's lost weight because feeding was not very high on his to do list of the past weeks, he just stupidly hoped no one would notice. 

"Sorry," he chirps weakly, looking away again. 

 

Soonyoung taps his nose gently with a finger. "Don't do that again," he commands, surprisingly tough. 

"I'm sorry."

Junhui tuts, "That's not what we want to hear." Soonyoung nods eagerly. 

"Promise you won't do that again," he reiterates, crossing his arms over his chest. 

Jihoon looks to Wonwoo, perhaps for help, perhaps just because he doesn't know what to do, and the man just raises an eyebrow at him, as if expecting the exact same thing. 

That's when Jihoon realises that he was wrong all along. He was wrong thinking he wouldn't worry anyone, he was wrong thinking he wouldn't be missed, he was wrong thinking he was just some friend they could do without, he was wrong thinking it was fine, that he was fine. They were his best friends, no matter how much they fought and how bad they fought, they never stopped loving him, and they never would despite his stupid mistakes. 

He was wrong, and he had hurt them. 

He feels choked up as he looks at them again, all looking different shades of tired but reassured, all gathered here in an hospital in the middle of a school day for his dumb ass self. He's really a fucking idiot, he thinks as he tries to hold back tears. 

"I promise I won't," he finally says, all choked up, voice cracking up as tears break past his control. 

He was wrong about everything, he thinks as he looks at the way Junhui smiles at him, because he was also wrong when he thought he would get over him so easily.

←→

Junhui doesn't go home for holidays. He still has so much to do, he doesn't really have the time to take it slowly, and his family is fine with that, even a little happy, because that means he's working hard and sending him to Korea wasn't such a total waste.

Soonyoung goes home the second he's free from summer classes, looking like sunshine personified as he leaves the apartment with his luggage. He is happy to go home, of course. He sees his family quite often, but they're close knit and a dinner in town it's not really the same as 'going home'. He tells Junhui he's going to miss him all the while and that he'll call all the time. Junhui doesn't doubt it for a second. 

Mingyu went home, too, as well as Minghao who went home a week before them both, impatient to see his family and country again; Junhui is a little jealous, maybe, but he can't complain.

Wonwoo goes home as well, a little earlier than Soonyoung. He doesn't look overjoyed, but he doesn't look sad about it either. Wonwoo likes to pretend he doesn't like his family that much, but Junhui knows it's a lie because he texts his mother every day. 

Jihoon, though, doesn't go home. Junhui expected him to, especially after his short stay at the hospital, but he merely shrugs when Junhui asks him about it. 

"I've got some inspiration for songs, it would be a waste. Besides, I see them all the time."

So it's the two of them, really, and Junhui can't help but feel a little apprehensive about that. There is something going on with Jihoon, something that's been going on for a while now, and he feels uneasy about it. He knows Jihoon had been avoiding him, and him specifically, because he's not stupid enough to not notice how weird he's been with him. Sure, they fought at his birthday, but that's nothing new, they fight all the time, so it's something else, but maybe it's related. 

Jihoon hasn't put back the weight he lost yet. He says it's not so bad, only a few kilograms, but on his already skinny frame, it's almost shocking. He's been sleeping and eating, though, so he's been looking better, but it's still not quite that. They've both been acting like nothing happened for his sake, but it's been bothering Junhui and he knows Jihoon has realised that too. 

It had hurt him to see Jihoon like that, more than he would like to admit. It was like someone had ripped his heart out and stomped on it and left it in a corner to rot. Jihoon was strong and independent, he wasn't supposed to let himself die slowly. Something had gone wrong and Junhui couldn't figure out why; or rather, he didn't want to. 

"What are you thinking so hard about?" Jihoon says as he crashes on the couch next to him, taking him by surprise.

As far as he knows, he had been alone in the apartment just minutes ago, so he had the right to be. 

"Jesus, Jihoon, don't scare me like that!"

The boy snorts and raises a hand to pet his hair. "Sorry, didn't mean to."

Junhui pouts but leans into the touch all the same, eager for some physical affection. It's rough being alone when Soonyoung is a true cuddle machine and you love skinship, okay. 

"I was just zoned out," he answers as Jihoon's fingers gently comb his hair back. 

The musician hums gently, Junhui relaxing against him, blinking lazily at the tv screen. It's some dumb old afternoon series that he's seen a few times already, just what he needs to relax usually, but Jihoon is definitely doing a better job at that currently. 

"Did you eat?" he asks almost mechanically, making Jihoon snort. 

"Yes, mom, I did. I had some fried rice and a pudding." 

Junhui chuckles, looking at him with a smile. "Good boy," he says easily, definitely not meaning for it to have Jihoon freeze completely. Oh. 

Junhui had had doubts for a while as to what Jihoon could possibly want from him, so the way his eyes darken don't really surprise him that much. Maybe that's it, maybe that's the whole issue. 

"Jihoon," he murmurs, tone dropping lower as he straightens up. Jihoon's eyes are wide, lips darting to lick quickly at his bottom lips as he looks up at him almost helplessly. Maybe… 

His hand feels too big on Jihoon's exposed thigh, shorts riding up, and it makes Jihoon shiver just a little as his eyes drop quickly to his lips and back up. Ah. So that's it, that's what he wants. He leans forward until their noses touch, until Jihoon closes his eyes, until their lips meet. It's tentative at first, lips brushing and reaching for each other, but then it's like a fire is lit and Jihoon is straddling him, gaze determined and far from the helpless look he had given him at first. He kisses him with intent, almost as if he needs it like he needs water, and Junhui is content to give him just what he needs. He's never been one to deny Jihoon anything, anyway. 

It's too hot out to begin with, now it's just plain unbearable. Junhui's hands are hot on Jihoon's soft thighs, their breathing are hot when they part for air and there is a bead of sweat slowly making its way down Jihoon's cheek that is oddly distracting. Jihoon doesn't seem to mind the heat at all, pressing his body against him and moaning softly at the friction he gets. He puts his lips back on his, and soon enough, slips his tongue past them. It's messy from then on, but neither mind, a mix of noises, sweat and need. Jihoon's hands are quick to slip under his tee, pulling it up until it's all bunched up and Junhui has no other choice but to pull back to take it off. That seems to satisfy Jihoon greatly. He kisses down his neck, lips moist from their kisses, nibbling at the skin as he goes lower, arching away from Junhui so he could put his lips around a nipple. Junhui starts in surprise and pleasure as Jihoon rolls it gently between his teeth, a small sound escaping his lips in a gasp.

He seems satisfied with that, too, but soon enough it's not enough. His hands dip lower, and lower, until his fingers are hooking up at the waistband of his shorts. 

"Is this okay?" he asks, suddenly, locking eyes with Junhui shamelessly. He nods, speechless as Jihoon drops a kiss on his lips right before leaving his lap entirely, only to kneel in front of him, fingers already eagerly pulling down shorts and underwear. 

Junhui wonders how long he's wanted that. Was it before or after Wonwoo? While? 

He chokes out a moan when Jihoon wraps his lips around him, hand immediately coming to rest on Jihoon's blonde hair. He smirks smugly up at him right before he goes down lower, fitting in as much as he could in one go. His eyes flutter close, a frown making it's apparition as he focuses. Junhui had found him hot before, more than once, way too often, but this definitely takes the cake. His fingers close on dry strands as he moans breathlessly, not bothering Jihoon one bit, maybe even egging him on as he tries to take in more. He is breathless when he comes back up, but the fire in his eyes is still very much roaring. 

Junhui swallows. "Room?" 

Jihoon is on his feet faster than he could say the word. It's weird, there is something heavy on his chest as he follows Jihoon to his room, and he can't tell what it is. Jihoon doesn't seem to have the same problem, though, so he follows him obediently. He lets him push him down on his bed, lets him kiss him and touch him. 

If it's what he wants, then it's fine. 

He helps Jihoon slip his shirt over his head and he tries not to think too much about the way Jihoon's pale flesh still strains over his ribs. It's quickly forgotten when he leans down to kiss him again. It's sex, it's just sex, and Junhui knows how to do that with no feelings. 

Jihoon doesn't rush despite the need and the want, instead taking his sweet time until Junhui is begging him to touch him, to do something, and then it's still slow, a delicate finger at a time as he scatters mark on his thighs and stomach. It's too much and too little, leaves him whining for more until Jihoon shushes him gently with a kiss. 

"Be good," he tells him as he reaches for a condom on the bedside table, quickly tearing the wrapper apart. 

Junhui knows Jihoon isn't a virgin, but he didn't think he was the experienced kind either, so it comes as a surprise, a nice surprise, to see him so laid back about this. It's nice, he thinks, that at least one of them knows what they're doing. 

He is cautious as he enters him, dragging his length slowly inside as Junhui throws his head back in a breathless moan. There is nothing gentle in the way Jihoon snaps his hips, seemingly foregoing the slow pace he had set previously. They kiss, but it's more teeth than lips, more breathing than kissing. Junhui tries not to feel anything, tries to lose himself in the pleasure. Jihoon is good at this, looking for the right angle as he puts Junhui's legs over his shoulders and leans forward. He sucks a bruise on the side of his neck, making the older moan in delight. 

Rhythm is lost as they both get closer to their orgasm. Jihoon wraps a hand around him, and it's unsteady and jerky but he is so close anyway that it's enough to bring him over the edge. He comes, hard, on his stomach and Jihoon's hand, and soon the younger follows, groaning out loudly as he fills the condom deep inside of him. 

It's ragged breathings and closed eyes for a few long seconds until Jihoon pulls out, already sitting up by his legs. Junhui turns over to his side almost immediately, pulling his legs up to his chest. It's weird, it's so weird, and he doesn't like it much, but Jihoon looks quite okay, so it's fine, it's totally fine. 

He cleans himself with the tissue he gives him and closes his eyes as he pets his hair, gentle and soft. 

"Are you alright?" Jihoon asks, voice hushed as if they weren't the only ones in the apartment. Junhui hums, eyes obstinately closed. 

"Fine, just tired," he lies easily, and Jihoon chuckles, hand leaving his hair to pull the covers up on him. 

It's weird, it's so weird. 

"Sleep, then. I'm going back to the studio."

"Mh, see you." 

Jihoon takes his time putting on his clothes and gathering his stuff as Junhui pretends to be asleep. He leaves quietly, careful to not have the door make too much noise as to not wake him, and Junhui feels sick. 

It's just sex, he tells himself, it's nothing, he's done it plenty of time before with friends, and it's always the same thing. Hell, he's done it with Wonwoo once after they stopped dating at it was fine, it was just fine. 

He doesn't know when tears start wetting his pillow, nor when he starts sobbing out loud, but he knows he's so exhausted by all the crying that he ends up actually falling asleep, feeling miserable and sick. 

It's not fine, and it's not fair, not fair at all, because he's wanted it too, he's wanted it for so long, and yet, yet that's not it, that's not what he wanted, not at all. He didn't want 'just sex' with Jihoon, never did, but that's what Jihoon wanted all along and-…

And Junhui loved him. He loved him, so if that was what Jihoon wanted, if that was what made him feel better, then he'll sleep with him and bury his feelings. 

And it'll be fine; eventually, everything faded away until they left a dull ache in his chest and a scar in his heart. And what's more scars on his wounded heart, anyway?

←→

Joshua doesn't look one bit surprised to see him standing in front of his door in the middle of the evening, and honestly, that throws Jihoon off a little.  
He strides up to him with a soft smile, tugging his keys out of his bag with practiced ease.

"Hello, Jihoon", he says quietly as if he were greeting a long time friend when, really, they barely knew each other. 

"I think I fucked up," Jihoon blurts out in answer, fingers fiddling nervously with his shirt. Joshua spares him a quick glance before unlocking his door and pushing it open. 

"Come in." 

Joshua's small studio is neat and clean, yet warm and welcoming. Somehow, it makes Jihoon ashamed of the way his own studio looks, not a single spot of the fake wooden floor visible. Joshua has him sit at a small table with a pleasant smile. 

"Tea or coffee?" he asks calmly, still looking perfectly unbothered by the situation. 

"Uh, coffee, please?"

It's weird, this whole thing is weird, and Jihoon regrets coming here almost instantly, but now it's like Joshua caught him in his web and he can't just run away. He watches him boil water for them both, looking like he does counselling session for fucked up kids who fucked up every other week. He doesn't know Joshua well enough to even know whether he is the trustworthy kind of guy, doesn't know what the hell he gets up to every day or if he actually gives good advices. Honestly, he has no clues what he is doing right now, but anything is better than doing nothing, so… 

A cup of warm coffee is set in front of him as Joshua joins him at the table, sitting in front of him with what looks like some green tea, because of course he is the green tea kind of guy. It's silent for a bit, Joshua not even looking at him, instead stirring his tea as if he's expecting Jihoon to say the first word, and of course, of course Jihoon explodes. 

"God, uh, I'm so sorry, you probably have so much to do, but you were, like, the only guy around that I know a little and you look like you'd give good advices and-…"

Joshua lets out a slight chuckle at his breathless ramble, waving at him gently. "Don't worry, don't worry, I am not busy at all. I don't know if I'm good at giving advices, though."

Jihoon let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, deflating dramatically in his seat. "This is weird. I'm sorry."

"It's only weird because you think it is. I think it's a normal situation," Joshua smiles, a little bit of mischief shining in his eyes. 

"I don't even know you that well," he sighs, looking down at his coffee. 

The older shrugs. "I think it's fine. I promise I won't tell anyone about this, if you want." 

"That… would be nice, I guess."

Joshua puts his hands on his thighs, still smiling at him. "So, wanna tell me what's got you so stressed out?"

Stressed out, Jihoon thinks, is a very light word for the inner turmoil he's suffering from, but he'll take that. He takes a deep breath, because he already knows this is going to be long. 

"So, uh, you see, I have a thing for Junhui, I have had for a long while now."

Joshua nods just like he knew exactly what he was talking about, and honestly, that's a little troubling, but whatever. 

"And we fight a lot because, well, I'm a monster a jealousy, and that's ugly, ok. So, uh, recently I thought it would be good to distance myself from him, but long story short, that didn't go well, so we went back to normal. Except we didn't, not really."

He takes another deep breath, takes a sip of coffee, looking down and away from Joshua's sharp glance. There is no judgement there, which Jihoon is thankful for, but that doesn't make it easier on him. 

"So, uh. I think, maybe, Junhui felt guilty about what happened and he… We slept together, the other day," he says hesitantly, looking up to check on the older's reaction, but Joshua stays impassive, merely nodding at him to continue. 

"And that's when I fucked up, I know, but I don't know what went wrong exactly and Junhui is acting weird, and it's a mess and I'm a mess and I just... I don't know anymore," he finishes in a hurry, babbling more than speaking. 

It's quiet for a moment, just the sound of Joshua taking a sip of his tea and setting the cup back down. 

"So, your issue is that you don't know," he concludes just as calmly, and well. 

"I… I guess?"

Joshua smiles, kindly. "Jihoon, why do you think Junhui slept with you in the first place?"

Jihoon blinks, unsure of where this could be going. "I… I think he knows I like him, so he thought, maybe… Out of pity…"

It made sense. Jihoon wasn't exactly discreet with his crush, so much that both Soonyoung and Wonwoo knew about it, so he is pretty sure Junhui has noticed too. Maybe seeing Jihoon so weak had triggered something in Junhui, made him feel guilty or something. Fucked up. 

Joshua hums. "Do you think Junhui sleeps with people out of pity?"

He doesn't. "I think he felt guilty."

"Why so?"

Uncomfortable, Jihoon starts playing with the hem of his shirt again. "He thinks it's his fault I fucked myself up until I fainted."

A short silence follows, the older processing the information as Jihoon fights hard the need to look up at his expression.

"And was it his fault?" he asks finally, voice silky. 

"No, of course not!" Jihoon exclaims immediately, looking up at Joshua, taking in the way his eyebrows rise slightly. "I was the only one at fault in this," he insists, looking back down.

There is the slight clatter of a spoon on the edge of a cup, then, "So, it's only assumptions, right? You don't actually know what Junhui is thinking."

Jihoon blinks up at him, then nods. It's not like it's something easy to ask, especially not to Junhui who is about as open as a clam about himself. Joshua takes a sip of his drink, and this time the younger holds his gaze when it falls back on him. 

"It all falls back to the same point: you don't know," he explains quietly, holding his cup inside his hands as he blinks slowly. "And you don't know because you don't talk to him. Communication, that's where you went wrong, the both of you."

Jihoon frowns because, hell, he knows that, he fucking knows that, but there is something different about having someone point it out, someone he barely even knows. Is it that obvious that they're both so bad at this? Of course it is. 

He sighs, takes a sip, two sip of his coffee. "It's not that easy," he answers half-heartedly, to which Joshua smiles. 

"Nothing important ever comes easy, you can trust me on that," he points out, taking another sip of his drink. "But, it's worth trying, right?"

It is, it's so worth it. He can't lose Junhui, not like this, not after all they've gone through, highs and lows; he doesn't think he can live knowing he ruined everything with him. He nods eagerly, which makes the older smile. 

"Have you tried to talk to him? Actually talk to him?"

"I-…" he starts before he can think, only to realise that he hadn't. And he's an idiot. 

"No," he answers, throat tightening, and Joshua hums with a soft smile. 

"Then, there you go, this is your answer, this is what you have to do. You can keep on trying to guess his thoughts and hope to god that you're right, but chances are, you're wrong and he is doing the exact same thing with you," Joshua explains carefully. "You both are more alike than you think, Jihoon."

He nods, a little dumbfounded by how easy the man makes it sound. He wonders if it is, really, just that easy. He wonders if talking to Junhui will really be that easy, the boy can be a damn tombstone when he wants, but he guesses it doesn't hurt to try. Maybe they'll fight, but even that sounds better than the weirdness surrounding them. 

"I… thank you, hyung," he simply says, offering him a weak smile, to which Joshua answers a little sadly. 

"It's alright, we all have our issues. I'm just glad I could help you in any way." 

Jihoon stills for a second. "Hyung, do you like Wonwoo?" 

Joshua's smile falls slightly. He finishes his tea, putting his cup back on the table softly. "I'm not going to hurt him, if that's what you're wondering about," he answers a little too quietly.

The younger frowns. "No offence intended, but if you're going to reject him, the sooner would be the better, before he gets too involved."

It feels weird to be in this position, for once, the defender of a friend. He thinks he's hurt Wonwoo enough, so he owes him at least that, one less heartbreak. 

Joshua shakes his head. "It's really not that easy, Jihoon."

"Well, you can always try to explain," he eggs on with a tilt of the head. 

The older sighs. "I like Wonwoo, but I like someone else as well." 

"Oh." 

Joshua smiles, "Yeah, oh. That's why it's so complicated. I can't choose one, but listening to my heart would also be a disaster, probably, so…"

"So you're stuck," Jihoon completes. Joshua nods with a small sigh. 

"I don't want to hurt them, but I don't know how to deal with it." 

Jihoon stays silent, thinking about the unorthodox situation. He's heard of situations like that a few times, but it was never close to him, and he is not sure what Wonwoo's mindset would be about that, so he definitely understands the dilemma. 

"I think you have the same problem as me, hyung," he starts with a small smile, "you need to talk to them. At least, I know Wonwoo will listen."

Joshua addresses him a smile, eyes finding a subtle shine again. "I think we have a lot of talking to do, then."

Jihoon sighs; It's going to be a long night.

←→

"We need to talk," says Jihoon the second Junhui opens the door. He blinks, taken aback as he side steps to let him walk inside.

The big scary words are out, fear gnaws at his guts, his throat dries out. Already, he wishes he could run away from the scene only to come back to a Jihoon that would have forgotten whatever he wanted to say. No, he wishes he would return to the Jihoon from before, wishes he could bring back their fights instead of those weird smiles and hesitant voices. He had thought he was doing the right thing, but instead messed things up further. At least, before, Jihoon dared to look him in the eye, dared to lean in his touch as they cuddled up on the couch, dared to speak to him without it feeling like they were strangers. Everything was better than the feeling of Jihoon being a stranger.

Yet he is scared, he fears for what is going to happen when he closes the door behind the boy. It can't be good, serious talks are never good. Serious talks had never been good to him, and he didn't see it begin to be good any time soon, not with the way Jihoon looks, so closed off and cold. It feels like Wonwoo all over again, feels like his high school sweetheart right before he… Junhui swallows, hard. He needs to speak first, he needs to apologise, he needs to… 

"I'm sorry," he articulates the second the door is closed and they are facing each other, and Jihoon raises an eyebrow, opens his mouth. He cuts him, quickly, "I'm sorry, I-… I'm so sorry, Jihoon, I didn't mean to hurt you and make it so complicated, I just wanted you to be happy, and I thought, I thought…"

"Hey, hey, Junhui," Jihoon says, and suddenly he's too close, hands reaching for his trembling ones to squeeze. "Nothing is your fault, I'm not here to blame you for anything. It's alright." 

It's alright, they all say it's alright, but it never is, not really. Still, he takes a deep breath, sniffs away his tears because now isn't the time to have a meltdown, not right in front of Jihoon. He doesn't need his pity, not now, not ever. He looks down and meets his eyes; they seem honest enough, and kind, always so kind. Jihoon always plays so hard and tough, always barking and glaring, but Junhui knows, he knows how kind and caring he is, how he would never hurt him on purpose. But that's what hurts the most, what's going to hurt the most when he'll reject him, because he'll do it so gently Junhui will only yearn for him more. 

"I'm sorry," he mutters, looking down at their joined hands. Jihoon's hands are his favourites, so soft and delicate, they create the most beautiful things he's had the pleasure to hear. They look wasted on his rough, big hands. 

Jihoon shakes his head. "You don't have to be, Junhui, you did nothing wrong. If anything, I am sorry." 

"Why would you be?" he asks, disbelieving. 

'For leading you on' seems like an obvious answer, ringing in his ears again and again. Jihoon would apologise for that, for Junhui's own mistake of thinking his kindness could be more than attraction. It's stupid, so stupid, and he wishes Jihoon would just plainly say it already. 

"Because I wasn't thinking and I hurt you. I hurt you a lot, and many times," he says, voice soft, hands firm on his. Junhui merely blinks in answer, not trusting himself to speak now, and Jihoon smiles, a hint of sadness curling at the edge. "We could sit, first, don't you think?"

"No," Junhui answers immediately, voice strained, surprising even himself by its roughness. "Just… Please, just say it. Say what you have to say quickly so we can just, get this over with." 

Jihoon swallows his saliva harshly, eyes suddenly fleeing his as he slowly backs away; just one step, but it's enough to leave Junhui cold. His draws his hands back, leaving them hanging by his sides as he looks down. He's about to say it, he is bracing himself to break his heart and Junhui thinks he is ready, as ready as he would ever be anyway. He swallows, too, although his mouth is dry and throat drier. He breathes in. 

"I love you." 

Holds his breath, mouth falling open in an unspoken surprise. At first, he thinks it's some wishful thinking kind of incident, thinks it's his sick heart trying to appease him, but Jihoon's cheeks colour in the prettiest way as his eyes come up to meet his again, a sad smile creeping on his lips. 

"I've loved you for the longest time ever, Junhui," he repeats, sounding a little breathless, as if he himself had been holding his breath for too long. "And it's alright if you don't, it's totally fine, I just don't want it to become weirder, although it probably is going to, I mean, I love you and you don't, that's bound to get weird, but…" he takes a deep breath, expression twisting in sadness, "I just don't want us to become strangers, it would kill me."

He releases the breath he was still holding, slowly processing the informations trickling from Jihoon's own breathless ramble. Nothing makes sense, he had been so convinced Jihoon didn't like him that the mere thought of it being the complete opposite was enough to root him to the ground, listless. He blinks.  
"You… You love me," he states to himself more than to Jihoon, who just awkwardly nods in answer. 

"Yeah, since we first met or something like that." 

Since they first-… Well, that certainly puts everything under a whole new perspective. 

"I… I thought you…" he starts, voice cracking up every few syllables. He feels tears prickling at his eyes before he can get ahold of himself, and decides he just doesn't care anymore because what the hell. 

Lee Jihoon likes him, he loves him, who the hell cares if he cries? 

That seems to panic Jihoon slightly, though, as he reaches forward, a hand awkwardly resting on his. 

"Uh, I'm sorry, I didn't think this was going to be so hard to take. I swear I won't make moves on you or make you uncomfortable, so-…"

"No, Jihoon, you don't- you don't understand," he manages to cry out, grabbing his hand in between his. "Jihoon, I love you."

It's Jihoon's turn to look as if the sky just fell on his head, mouth hanging open and eyes blinking in quick succession. Junhui laughs, nerves completely giving up as he realises the irony of it all, realises that if they both had stopped being such closed off oysters, they would have been happy a long while ago. 

"This is so stupid," he giggles as Jihoon gets ahold of himself, at least enough to close his eyes and look at Junhui laughing with round eyes, "We're both so stupid, Jihoon."

"You-you love?" Jihoon asks, voice going incredibly high on the last syllable. 

Junhui nods quickly, smiling widely. "Of course I do, Jihoon, I have for years!"

"Oh my god," is all that Jihoon answers before himself falling into a fit of giggles, tears shining in the corner of his eyes. They laugh for what seems like hours, but realistically could only be a handful of minutes, before they both can't stand anymore, breathless and spent from the emotional journey they went through. 

In a split second of clarity, in between two fits, Junhui drags himself and Jihoon to sit on the couch. Almost as by instinct, they lean against each other, taking in deep breaths as they come down from their high, both still processing the fact that they've been in love with each other all along. 

"We really are stupid, aren't we?" Jihoon finally says in a relaxed sigh. "We've loved each other for, what, years? And we both never thought of confessing."

Junhui snorts, reaching for Jihoon's hand to lace his fingers with his. "Confessing normally is too mainstream for us."

"If you use that word again, I'm breaking up with you," Jihoon laughs, eyes twinkling with thousands of galaxies. 

"Oh, because we are dating? I didn't know," he teases, sticking his tongue out at him, to which Jihoon answers with a fond eye-roll. 

"Do I have to make a formal demand or is that too mainstream as well?"

Junhui chuckles, pushing his shoulder playfully into Jihoon's. "I'm big on the romance thing."

Jihoon pulls back slightly, not bothering to untangle his hand from Junhui, just enough to straighten up and look straight into his eyes as he says, "Wen Junhui, will you accept me as your boyfriend?"

"Eh, I'll think about it," he responds, looking away with a smug smile as Jihoon gasps in fake-offence. 

"Be careful," he warns,"I'll tickle you, I will."

Junhui laughs, leaning forward until their foreheads touch, closing his eyes as he rests a hand on Jihoon's warm cheek. "Of course I'll be your boyfriend."

He feels Jihoon's warm breath on his lips as he murmurs "Good", feels the way he shifts slightly as he leans closer, feels the way his lips fit so perfectly against his as he kisses him, a simple soft kiss to seal it all. He feels the smile on his lips, feels his hand squeezing his, feels the warmth radiating from his person, feels the love dripping from their lips and he thinks; 

Maybe they'll be alright, maybe they truly will.

←→

Dating Junhui is easy, so easy in fact that Jihoon wonders why they didn't start going out years ago. They know each other like the palm of their own hands and fit together in the best ways. Junhui greets him with a soft kiss and sparkly eyes, hand already wrapping around his as they walk together from the studios to the coffee shop. Jihoon smiles at him as they talk about how their day is going, about that last composition he's been going through, about that one essay Junhui just completed, about everything and nothing at once. The soft sun of September lulls them into comfort as they melt against each other's sides. Jihoon doesn't feel ugly anymore, the monster in his stomach sleeping quietly now that he understood Junhui isn't going anywhere with anyone else. He doesn't mind Minghao hugging him, nor does he mind Jeonghan winking at him as they play around, he doesn't mind because he knows Junhui loves him.

He loves him. The words he repeats against his lips early in the morning or late at night never miss to make his heart warm as he smiles and answers with the same three word without fail.

The coffee shop at past 2 pm is empty save for Wonwoo and Jeonghan speaking in hushed tones in a corner and Joshua greeting them brightly from his spot behind the counter. He looks somewhat tired, but absolutely gleeful, which makes Jihoon happy. It's not easy, he knows it's not, but so far, it seems to be working for them. 

"What can I get you, lovers?"

Jihoon would complain about their new title, arguing that they didn't look as nauseatingly adorable as Soonyoung and Mingyu, but really, he likes the idea of being Junhui's lover too much. Besides, it makes Junhui giggle a little so that can't be bad. They order tea and black coffee, Junhui getting them two cookies with a wink, then make their way to the couple at the back. They make an odd pair, Jihoon thinks, but in a way, he sees how they fit together, as well as with Joshua. Wonwoo says it's a trial but he doesn't think he's ever seen him honestly smile so much. 

"Oh, you guys are here," Wonwoo drawls as he straightens up, sharp eyes inspecting them carefully as if to gauge the mood. 

Wonwoo had been mad at him for maybe two days when he got back from his family house, claiming he deserved that since he's been such an ass to him, but quickly got back to his normal self. Honestly, Jihoon probably truly deserved that, so it's alright. Soonyoung cried for 15 minutes straight, saying that it's the best day of his life, making Junhui cry as well and Jihoon may have sniffled. 

"Don't sound so disappointed. Did we interrupt some great sex talk or what?" Jihoon snorts. 

Jeonghan laughs, pushing his now blonde hair back from his forehead. "Honestly? He was just talking to me about that one guy that eats like 4 bananas in a row at the back of his Chinese class." 

"Oh, he still does that?" Junhui wonders with a frown, taking a seat in front of Wonwoo. Jihoon sits by his side quickly as if someone would steal his place. 

"Yeah, I don't know what's his deal," Wonwoo groans, taking a long sip of his coffee as his eyes drift behind them. "Oh, the disgusting couple is here."

The soft ring of the bell draws Jihoon's gaze to the door, and indeed Soonyoung and Mingyu are walking in, hands in hands and as smiley as ever. Mingyu immediately waves energetically in their direction, to which only Junhui and Jeonghan answer. He doesn't take any offence, though, already greeting Joshua along with his boyfriend. They join them immediately once they've ordered, smiling just as bright. 

"Hello hyungs," Mingyu greets, sliding his arm around Soonyoung's back as soon as they're sat. 

"Well, hello young one," Jeonghan grins reaching over Soonyoung to pet his friend's head. Soonyoung laughs. 

"I can't believe I'm the only one dating a baby." 

Mingyu makes an affronted gasps, "I'm not a baby!" to which Soonyoung answers with a cheeky, "Well, you are mine, at least." 

Needless to say it makes everyone around cringe as Mingyu kisses his cheek with fondness. Before anymore disgusting stuff happens, Joshua comes with the drinks and foods as a true savior. 

"Seungkwan should be here in minutes, I'll join you guys later," he tells them petting Jeonghan's head before going back to work. 

"Oh, wasn't Minghao supposed to come?" Jihoon remembers suddenly. Mingyu grins. 

"He is… held back, you could say."

"Sounds absolutely gross," Wonwoo answers quickly, to which Jihoon agrees immediately. 

"Oh, it definitely is," Mingyu shrugs, "which is why I'm crashing your place later, Junhui hyung." 

Junhui laughs, "You say that like it isn't Soonyoung's as well. Anyway, I'm gonna clean Jihoon's place before he drowns himself in dirty socks." 

Jihoon groans as Wonwoo snickers a "Good luck". 

"You don't have to do that," he whines at Junhui who rolls his eyes. 

"Yes, I do, for my own sake. And maybe we'll find that pokemon game you lost two years ago, along with that bag of skittles that was never to be seen again," Junhui precisely recalls with a slight frown. 

"It's probably all rotten under a boxer by now," Wonwoo grimaces in disgust. 

"It can't be that bad," Jeonghan offers with a slight smile. Jihoon decides he likes him and his still intact image of him despite their old arguments - one sided, but still.

"Nah, it's that bad," Soonyoung suddenly says while making a face. "If even I can tell, believe me, it's that bad."

Jihoon pouts with a frown, crossing his arms over his chest. It's better not to speak up on the subject, because he knows he is wrong. So what if he doesn't clean that often? He is a busy man and barely spends any time in there anyway.

"And yet, a kind soul still decided to date you," Wonwoo says wistfully as Jihoon glares him down.

"Junhui is truly a god amongst us," Soonyoung completes with a cheeky grin, and Jihoon really can't find it in him to glare at him too. Junhui sounds touched, though. 

"Thank you guys. It's a sacrifice I am willing to make as a superior being," he declares solemnly. 

Jihoon kicks his ankle gently, "Hey!"

Junhui chuckles only to grab his cheek in between two fingers with a wide smile. "I still love you, even if you're, like, super dirty." 

The smaller boy groans, escaping his grabby hand to put his head in between his arms on the table, hiding away from the laughs and fond looks.

Dating Junhui is easy, but also a constant call for embarrassment when he less expects it. The hand in his hair, carefully threading through soft brown locks, makes up for all of it, as well as Junhui's soft smile when he comes back up once everyone has settled for other conversations. It's easy, just like that, a soft smile and his heart is soothed and warm. 

Jihoon always thought Junhui was some kind of magician for making him feel all kind of things he never thought possible. He was his greatest inspiration, his greatest fear, his greatest heartbreak, his greatest love. 

Everything is easy mostly because Junhui makes everything look easy; from those long ass texts of law he reads to lazy kisses late at night when they're both fucked out and tired from their day, it's all easy, and Jihoon thinks, god, he's so fucking lucky to have this smart handsome boy all for himself. 

Perhaps he saved the world in another life, because to deserve Junhui, he needs to have at least saved it once - or twice. Maybe more. He wishes he was as great as himself in another life, but it's alright even if he sucks, because Junhui will love him for who he is; and that must really be love.

**Author's Note:**

> Heeey, thank you for reading all the way here! 
> 
> I couldn't find a summary, sue me.
> 
> Not gonna hide it, this was really hard to write for me lmaoooo I HOPE U GUYS ENJOYED IT ANYWAY??? it was so weird to write right after the fluffy soongyu. also probably weird to read after the fluffy soongyu, im sorry for this angst monster
> 
> this ride is over, i'm still thinking about whether i'll do something for the other background couples, eh. 
> 
> Thank you to Kat, Maëva and Bee !!! u guys are lovely and help me so much, ily. 
> 
> twitter: flower_mp3


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